I know that for many of you Christmas is a particularly
poignant and unhappy reminder of Christmas Past as Charles Dickens might
say. There is no doubt that Christmas is
a hard time for all non-conformists and not just separated families.
Christmas, as we now celebrate it, is a traditional
Victorian style feast which naturally celebrates all things family with the
emphasis on “nuclear” rather than any other type of family structure. Victorian is also, of course, closely
associated with conservative and therefore, it is unlikely to be inclusive of
all types of family structures in the modern sense. Accordingly, all of us who are single,
separated, divorced, gay or alone and indeed, all of the above, will feel left
out of the party. We can no doubt
remember from our childhood that being left out of the party is not a nice
feeling.
Sometimes we cope with unwelcome emotions and memories by
drink, debauchery drugs and so forth. None
of the above, as we well know in our rational selves, will resolve those
feelings. All that is likely to happen,
particularly at this time of the year, is that those who love us will just join
us in our pain and anxiety. If you love
your friends and family you will not want them suffering pain and anxiety!
Photo by Anna Fox
My advice to all of us non-traditional types is to stay busy and involved – get up off that couch, from the TV, bed or wherever you are slumped morosely and partake in the Christmas swim, visit friends (just don’t stay too long so visit a few different places) and engage.
Christmas is only one day. I find that every year, my clients get deeply invested in dividing up Christmas Day between Mum and Dad where their children are concerned. I know it is tempting to get locked into a “my rights” syndrome. I also know how pain and frustration clouds our judgement. Will your children really welcome leaving one nice warm home with all their things new and old to go and spend time in your house? No matter how welcoming you make it their bits and bobs will not be there. Use your head – it is a cliché in some respects but you can have Christmas any day you choose.
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